Pandemic

What started as an outbreak in Mexico City has now spread like wildfire throughout the world. Cases are popping up everywhere, some mild and some life-limiting. I'm not talking about the swine flu. I'm talking about the fear. Walgreen's is selling out of face masks. School systems are shutting down. Egypt is preparing to slaughter all of its pigs. People have become frenzied; not since the anthrax scares have we had a good pandemic of fear. It's restricting travel, crippling the just-beginning-to-recover-economy, and making us once again begin to look at one another with suspicion. Could he have it? Might she? Should I even dare go to my favorite Mexican restaurant? On the plus side, sales of canned goods and hand sanitizer have done way up. But at what price?

It's easy to blame the media, to say they have taken something as common as the flu and blown it out of proportion. There is some truth to this, of course. We think it is a big deal because we are being told it is a big deal. Yet again, we should be mindful of this possible pandemic; it's a good reminder to wash your hands, cover your cough, stay home if you are sick. But there is something else at work here; we aren't so much afraid of the flu as we are of coming face to face with our own mortality and the utter lack of control we have over so much of what happens in our lives. Our pre-September 11 sense of indestructibility is once again being shaken. This threat is not just in Mexico City; it's in Indiana, on the North Side of Chicago, here. Illness and death are not just there; they are -- and always have been -- everywhere. Being faced with the human condition can, indeed, be frightening business. Without a solution for this fear, the fear itself becomes more disabling, more destructive than the illness or the disaster itself.

I find myself wanting to call in to the radio shows and say, "It's just the flu! Just wash your hands!" But, then again, as I was driving to the grocery store last night I realized I was starting to feel very tired (2 weeks with little sleep, countless cloudy days), my throat was a little scratchy (not uncommon after a week-end of talking, when I'm already tired), my back was starting to ache (the day before I'd done push ups for the first time in months), and I was getting chilled (the temperature outside had dropped 30 degrees in 24 hours). I started to think about all the visits I'd made, started to worry what I would do if I came down sick before doing a wedding this week-end. I stopped by the Walgreen's to buy a thermometer and once I was back home it took me 3 times to get the temperature to read higher than 96 degrees. 97.1 was the best I could do. So, no swine flu for me; but it seems I did catch a mild case of what's been going around.