2009: The Year That Was(n't)

Years from now when I am reviewing the archives of my life, one year will stand out by virtue of its absence: 2009. In August my house was broken into and the thieves stole both of my laptops, my camera and J's camera. Immediately gone were all my pictures from the last several years. When J and I broke up a few months later, I asked if he would please make me a picture CD so that I would have some record of our four years together. He kindly did so, but had no pictures from 2009; nothing had been downloaded from his camera before the robbery.

My journals from this year are mighty empty too. They jump from Christmas 2008, when I got the blank notebooks, to my February cruise, almost immediately to the October break-up. Perhaps life had gotten too difficult for self-reflection. You'll notice that this blog, also, is as full of holes as swiss cheese. So, however will I remember 2009?

Frankly, there are plenty of things I'd just as well forget. The aforementioned robbery. My first surgery. The staff member that quit between services on a Sunday morning and the other that was fired just before a major trip. I'd just as soon forget all the tears and anger and uncertainty. I'd be glad to forget the fear about the future and the feeling of a complete lack of control over the most important aspects of my own life. And, of course, the heart break. I don't mind not having a record of that.

Yet the truth is that these are things that I would not need a journal or a blog or a photo to remember. These are the things that will be marked on me forever -- the challenges that have given me new wisdom. Decisions were made this last year that, for better or worse, will change the course of my life forever. No, no. Try as I might, I will not forget.

What I might need help remembering are all the other things that made this year memorable. The wonderful week in Mexico with two great friends -- the feeling of freedom and happiness and being comfortable again in my own skin. The road trip out east through the mountains and time with an old friend and spending 4th of July in Washington D.C. with my sister and parents. Growing into my new call. The garden --oh, the continued joy of the garden! The reconnection with my family and friends; knowing without a shadow of a doubt the depth of their care and support. And the love. Despite everything else, there was so much companionship and love.

Now, as I write this, we are just an hour from the start of 2010. A new decade. A new start. A great unknown. Without a doubt, this year, this coming decade, will bring its own memorable moments. Moments of both joy and great challenge that will etch themselves into my mind and heart forever. Moments that will -- knowingly or unknowingly -- change my life forever. The truth is that there is no such thing as a year that wasn't. We carry each year with us forever in who we are and the lives we live.

All the same, tomorrow I think I'll take out my new camera and start taking pictures. 2010 should be a year to remember.