More

This spring I started planting earlier than I ever have before. Spinach, lettuce, broccoli and peas went in the ground in mid-March. I was very proud of myself and rejoiced in my first lettuce salad.

But then this week I stumbled across some impressive garden blogs, written by people who could be called true "urban farmers." These folks are the real deal. They have dug up all their grass and put in raised beds. They have already been planting for months now, after digging up mulched crops all winter. They raise chickens in their backyards and know how to grow flowers, as well as food. Some of them are, frankly, a little crazy. But they left me amazed, and wanting...more.

I thought I should have planted more. Should make use of succession crops more. Should plan more. Should have canned more last summer. Should dry more herbs. Should have more compost. More. More. More. Each time that word crossed my mind, I felt my stress level rising and my self-esteem decreasing.

More. What power this little four-letter word has; what power to rob us of joy.

Have more.
Do more.
BE MORE.

Today I headed outside, determined to plant a row of carrots and radishes. They should have been growing by now, but, no matter. As I dug in the compost, looking at my bare beds, I thought about how lush and green and wild and growing they will be in the matter of a few short months. I suddenly remembered that feeling I get in September when I look at the tomato and cucumber plants and think, "Are you kidding me? How could there possibly be MORE??"

Preparing dinner tonight I cut up the last of last season's onions. I had salad with greens that grew just 30 feet from the kitchen door. I enjoyed fresh mint and oregano and thyme and hung bunches of them upside-down to dry. When I walked out the backdoor to do the picking, a host of butterflies danced around my head, startled off the backyard bush that is heavy with sweet-smelling white flowers.

And I was satisfied. Deeply, richly satisfied. As I have always had the power to be. Because what is here now is enough. What I have, do and am right now are enough.

More than enough.